Before you take off the condom

 The person you’re having sex with isn’t just a vessel for your pleasure. They are a person who has consented to sex with protection. Once you betray that understanding, the act is no longer consensual.

Every single one of my friends have experienced stealthing and I just want to understand how can men can be so callous. You’re risking your health and the health of your partners just cause it doesn’t feel as good? A moment of satisfaction for you while she feels a gut-wrenching panic, the anxious reach with every future partner just in case they decide to be as selfish as you?

Please, be responsible. Whether it’s a one night stand or a relationship, every person you sleep with deserves to feel safe.

Wow I really wasn’t expecting this to reach so many people. Some things I want to clarify:

To those that have experienced this, of all genders, I’m so sorry. I only specified men in my post because it’s relevant to my experience, not to say that only men are capable of this violation.

To those that say, “Well duh, I would never do that” I’m glad you are respectful of your partners boundaries. Please hold people accountable if you hear them talk about it casually cause that’s how complacency harms. And no, this doesn’t just happen to people who hook up with strangers (even if it did, that’s no excuse for rape) it also happens in relationships, with people you thought you could trust.

To those that bring up the way that women lie about taking birth control pills, I hear you. That is also a violation of trust and is completely intolerable. However, it comes across as insensitive when you enter a space that is specifically addressing ones trauma and use it as an opportunity to twist the narrative. Similar to the argument, “men get raped too!” when a woman comes forward. Yes, no one is denying that fact, but you need to ask yourself why this is the moment you choose to address it. Is it out of defensiveness? Is it out of genuine concern? Is it to win a debate? Do you take the time to advocate outside of these perimeters? Just something to consider.

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